ok its been awhile but here we go new blog. What has twitter meant to me? it's been a great place....for the most part. there are definitely all sorts of people out in the twitterverse.
There are people who may be too shy to express certain sides of themselves in the real world, and twitter is a great escape to allow that. You don't need to post your real name if you choose not to.
There are genuine honest caring people, who will go out of their way to make sure, or at least try to ensure you have a good day, or even try to make that day better.
There are funny hilarious people, who will always make you laugh no matter what.
There are people who will just shock you at every turn.
There are also unfortunately fakes and liars on twitter as well. Some of them are easy to see through, and some of them weave such a tangled web of deciet and lies, that i am sure they have forgotten who they themselves are.
There i believe are also angels among twitter as well. Finding someone you can be so close to, yet never having met, but just feeling that kind of inexplicable bond that connects you.
I have made a lot of friends, and made a few real close ones. Closer to some people than i'd ever imagine i could be. i have had a lot confided in me and i have confided a lot as well. Everything confided to me has stayed there. Safely hidden away in a vault with a memory lock, so that only i may access it.
It pains me to have to say this but i am leaving twitter for awhile. I will be checking in sporadically here and there to drop a quick hi, hello or pic. It's unfortunate that twitter's inabilities to maintain a properly functioning system, it's caused me to have broken conversations, especially some important conversations with people by not sending me all my messages to my phone. thia has been a regular occurance with twitter especially this past week, so it has led me to this decision. If you would like other ways to contact me feel free to. Some of you already do. There are no worries or hard feelings if you don't. I won't look at anyone any differently if you choose not to keep in touch while im away from twitter in my normal presence. So i wish you all a good day.
email
aim
msn
yahoo
if anyone would like access to those, please dm me.
love ya all.................scott xoxo
AMMENDED ok so i was almost going to delete this.....but i figured why? all my blogs are real thoughts, real experiences so its going to stay im just ammending it.
my "selfish ego" reared up and played a role in posting this blog. was thinking to much about the bullshit that twitter has been the pasat week with its issues due to world cup.
theres more important things to consider than dealing with the twitter issues that it has with its inabilities to handle the masses.
thought hard this am at work. it made me sad. in a way i kinda felt like i was cutting off an arm due to a hang nail. was thinking about the smiles that twitter has given me, the great friends and close relationships that have been made. the multitudes of smiles and bright spots in people's day that i create.
so to sum it up y'all stuck with my ugly mug on twitter :P
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
info on the Autism walk i'm doing sunday April 25th
I am just posting this blog in an attempt to help try and raise some money for Autism. My friend Brenda's son as you'll see below has Autism. I am joining the walk for Autism just as i did last year. As many of you know i will do what i can to help my friends. There is absolutely nothing in it for me, in fact my friend doesn't even know I am doing this. Just a little something i wanted to do to show my support, and in hopes to get even just one donation. i know that times are tough but any little bit helps. thank you for taking the time to read this. :) Below is the email i received:
Help us battle Autism!!
As friends of Jonathan and the Medeiros-Picozzi families, you have been generous in the past years and we are hopeful that you will be able to be so once again this year to help us continue to fundraising and info-raising for this pervasive disorder. Autism affects 1 in 110 children.
Fewer dollars are coming in from Federal and a State sources, so this is our small way in which we can help the Autism Project of RI. There are a few ways in which you can help the cause:
The Medeiros-Picozzi Family is holding our 2nd Annual Spaghetti and Meatball dinner on Sunday
April 18th starting at 1pm in Warwick, RI at the Prata Bar and Grille. Tickets are $25.00 and all
proceeds from the dinner and raffles will go directly to the Autism Project of RI. You can contact
Brenda (brendamedeiros@cox.net) or Russell (russell_picozzi@Brown.edu) for tickets and
information.
If you cannot attend the dinner and would still like to donate, you can go to the following secure
website http://www.firstgiving.com/brendamedeiros1 and make your donation there. Also, we
would be pleased to accept cash or check (made out to the Autism Project of RI). All gifts
made to the Autism Project of RI stay in RI to help those afflicted with autism.
On Sunday April 25, 2010 at 10am the 8th Annual Imagine Walk and Family Fun day for
Autism (http://www.theautismproject.org/events_imagine.php) will take place, if you would like
to join us for the Walk at Goddard Park, please let Brenda or Russell know
April is Autism Awareness Month
here is my friend Brenda's son on the left that I am doing this walk for.
thank you in advance for your generosity and for supporting our family, Jonathan and others who are affected by Autism.
Again thank you for taking the time to read this...........scott
Help us battle Autism!!
As friends of Jonathan and the Medeiros-Picozzi families, you have been generous in the past years and we are hopeful that you will be able to be so once again this year to help us continue to fundraising and info-raising for this pervasive disorder. Autism affects 1 in 110 children.
Fewer dollars are coming in from Federal and a State sources, so this is our small way in which we can help the Autism Project of RI. There are a few ways in which you can help the cause:
The Medeiros-Picozzi Family is holding our 2nd Annual Spaghetti and Meatball dinner on Sunday
April 18th starting at 1pm in Warwick, RI at the Prata Bar and Grille. Tickets are $25.00 and all
proceeds from the dinner and raffles will go directly to the Autism Project of RI. You can contact
Brenda (brendamedeiros@cox.net) or Russell (russell_picozzi@Brown.edu) for tickets and
information.
If you cannot attend the dinner and would still like to donate, you can go to the following secure
website http://www.firstgiving.com/brendamedeiros1 and make your donation there. Also, we
would be pleased to accept cash or check (made out to the Autism Project of RI). All gifts
made to the Autism Project of RI stay in RI to help those afflicted with autism.
On Sunday April 25, 2010 at 10am the 8th Annual Imagine Walk and Family Fun day for
Autism (http://www.theautismproject.org/events_imagine.php) will take place, if you would like
to join us for the Walk at Goddard Park, please let Brenda or Russell know
April is Autism Awareness Month
here is my friend Brenda's son on the left that I am doing this walk for.
thank you in advance for your generosity and for supporting our family, Jonathan and others who are affected by Autism.
Again thank you for taking the time to read this...........scott
Friday, April 9, 2010
another about me...
Addiction can come in many forms, affect everyone differently, and effect those we may least suspect. This blog isn't about defining the word addiction, this is about saying: "Hi, my name is scott and i am an alcoholic and addict" Bet some of you never would have thought huh? Well i am about to share part of my life. a very deep dark part of my life. I was never a daily drinker or daily user. I had my binges, and I eventually began to get these weird feelings. The feeling that yes i have a problem. it may not be a daily problem but it is a problem nonetheless.
my dad was a huge alcoholic and I swore to never be like him. well in a way I am as I am an alcoholic but I am also totally different. he wanted me to never do drugs. he said he doesn’t care if I end up drinking but to never do drugs, how bad they were, what he saw them do to people(obviously he did care but in his eyes, as bad an alcoholic as he was, he didn’t see just how bad alcohol is. that's how strong his demon was). for 17 years I witnessed him detox and sober up off and on, but finally all the failed attempts came to an end. in 1992 my dad passed away of a massive heart attack 2 months before I graduated high school. the extent of his alcoholism had damaged his brain so badly that the doctor said that in addition to the heart attack his alcoholism is why he died. the lack of oxygen from being unconscious for so long from the heart attack and the death to the brain cells after so many years of drinking only left a brain stem left.
all thru school I was never a drinker or partier for fear of becoming like him. I remember the first time I got drunk was in the college years, the demon finally bit me. I was so scared the first time drinking and getting drunk, that I actually made a pact that I would never drink again. that lasted a year. the demon was riding my coattails and climbed back on and said "wellllllll you know what? what if we work together... so the drinking continued but I monitored it. we seemed to be a great team at the time. partying on occasion but never letting it affect us so that we had to miss work because of it, or anything like that. things were great. but where was the demon back in 2004 when I could have died on the side of the road? he had been helping me have fun, but when it really mattered where was it?
as some of you reading may know I had a really bad DUI accident, fortunately no one was involved other than myself. I don’t know what I would have done had anyone else been involved and they were injured due to my actions. I was asked a couple times, "after that why do you still drink?" we came up with a clever answer. "I like the taste. I don't drink for the sake of getting drunk, if I could have all of what I enjoy with just the taste It would be perfect" we only became smarter after that. we figured ok we wont drink and drive anymore but still enjoy when we can. we don’t drink everyday therefore we don’t have a problem. we don't miss work because of it, we don't have a problem. looking back now, this was when the demon began to tighten its stranglehold on me more. it really began to make excuses and started justifying things. the occasional binging led to other things.
over the years, thru partying and drinking it opened up a new world. drugs came into the picture. my first times around marijuana I always had my dad in the back of my head saying don’t do drugs, and how much worse they are for you than alcohol, but the demon again stabbed its claws in and strangled harder. "go ahead it smells great" I was told, thinking to myself hmmm its not as bad as cigarette smoke, its actually kinda good in a way. I eventually caved and tried it. nothing the first time so I was like eh, whatever. then I tried it years later, and I got hooked. we loved it! enjoying the new people that were around, things were great, things that were already fun seemed to be so much more so. I met a girl and quit it for 3 1/2 years cuz she didn’t like it. eventually we drifted a part, she said she wasn't sure why but she felt like we were just friends. sure it hurt, but I didn't start drinking more because of it, we would have a very rare occasional drink with each other, I'd still go have my fun while we were together. I felt I didn't have to worry about disrespecting her with smoking, so my demon and I got back into it. I eventually went thru my period of crushing and snorting pills, getting hooked on cocaine, ate mushrooms once, and I even smoked crack once too. marijuana was the toughest drug to quit. the others were easy to quit. but alcohol was always my demon. when I smoked crack I was like what the fuck am I doing? but I was under the influence, not thinking clearly and was like what the hell. why not? fuckit. looking back now, considering myself VERY lucky I didn’t die that night, or even any night I was under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I know I had angels watching out for me those nights.
saint patrick's day this year. man I had so much fun. drinking, hanging out, shots, beers, no drugs those were long done. hell some of my twitter friends probably even saw the pic of me drinking my pitcher of beer from the pitcher. simply put, the bartender forgot my glass. I was already feeling pretty well, so I figured aww hell, ill just drink it out of the pitcher. and sure enough I was at the bar drinking my beer out of the pitcher until it was gone. who does that? someone who is out of control. someone who's demon has such a stranglehold on them that they have no idea how much of a problem they really have.
this isn't an entirely bad story tho. here comes the bright light. as I said I had been realizing for awhiIe, that I needed to "slow down". never thought I had the strength to do this. I had someone come into my life recently who has taught me things. someone who has seen something in me, opened my eyes to certain things. it all made sense to me how certain things have happened. I'm seeing the meaning and importance of certain experiences because of this. this person said something to me, no, it wasn’t "you have a problem, you need help", but what was said planted a seed. that was 21 days ago tonight (I write this on April 8, 2010) when I had my last drink.
I have joined alcoholics anonymous. I've met some new people I can talk to if need be. I've heard stories shared, and there are bits and pieces I can relate to. my first meeting I was so scared. I was a mess, I was in tears. before the meeting I took the bus got there 45 minutes early and sat at the bus stop waiting. I sat there in tears I think it was the demon mostly, realizing holy shit this is the end? doing what it could to try to sway me into something that I'm sure people before me had done. catch the next bus and leave. but no, I'm stronger now. even being the mess that I was, I still had focus to know what I had to do. I am here, I have come so close. don't fail, don't miss the meeting. I sat in the meeting in tears most of the time. when asked if there was anyone new to the meeting, I sheepishly raised my hand. red faced and teary eyed, I said "my name is scott and I am an alcoholic" despite the tears and the initial fear, I knew from that point I was going to be ok, I felt the stranglehold release. the next meeting I got to share for 5 minutes. I was able to speak when the floor opened up, and people actually gave me props for what I shared. In today's meeting the main topic seemed to revolve around depression. I'm not going to go into too much detail of everything said in the meeting but this really opened my eyes to see just how bad It can affect some people. about 4 or 5 people said how bad they had gotten, that they had thoughts of suicide. One day that could have been me had I kept drinking, you never know. scary to see just how bad alcoholism and addiction can affect people.
looking back now I realize I had relapses. I know why these relapses happened. I was trying to quit for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t doing it for me. the demon was all too powerful. you can see how strong it was over me. I'm focused. I know what I want. I do my little things to help keep me focused my cloudy, foggy eyes that were beginning to open, were opened widely thanks to this person. I can say this though, I am enjoying life a lot more now. I see things more clearly, sounds are crisper, ALL of my senses feel more in tune. I go to a weekly meeting, and sometimes more if I feel I am called to. I realize and understand that I will never be completely free of this demon. it will always be riding my coattail. waiting as it always has for the moment to start to sink its claws into me. the temptation, no matter what I do will always be there. that’s why its always one day at a time, we never know what tomorrow will bring. stay focused on today. and to the person I mentioned previously thank you, thank you Deme for planting that seed and saving my life.
my dad was a huge alcoholic and I swore to never be like him. well in a way I am as I am an alcoholic but I am also totally different. he wanted me to never do drugs. he said he doesn’t care if I end up drinking but to never do drugs, how bad they were, what he saw them do to people(obviously he did care but in his eyes, as bad an alcoholic as he was, he didn’t see just how bad alcohol is. that's how strong his demon was). for 17 years I witnessed him detox and sober up off and on, but finally all the failed attempts came to an end. in 1992 my dad passed away of a massive heart attack 2 months before I graduated high school. the extent of his alcoholism had damaged his brain so badly that the doctor said that in addition to the heart attack his alcoholism is why he died. the lack of oxygen from being unconscious for so long from the heart attack and the death to the brain cells after so many years of drinking only left a brain stem left.
all thru school I was never a drinker or partier for fear of becoming like him. I remember the first time I got drunk was in the college years, the demon finally bit me. I was so scared the first time drinking and getting drunk, that I actually made a pact that I would never drink again. that lasted a year. the demon was riding my coattails and climbed back on and said "wellllllll you know what? what if we work together... so the drinking continued but I monitored it. we seemed to be a great team at the time. partying on occasion but never letting it affect us so that we had to miss work because of it, or anything like that. things were great. but where was the demon back in 2004 when I could have died on the side of the road? he had been helping me have fun, but when it really mattered where was it?
as some of you reading may know I had a really bad DUI accident, fortunately no one was involved other than myself. I don’t know what I would have done had anyone else been involved and they were injured due to my actions. I was asked a couple times, "after that why do you still drink?" we came up with a clever answer. "I like the taste. I don't drink for the sake of getting drunk, if I could have all of what I enjoy with just the taste It would be perfect" we only became smarter after that. we figured ok we wont drink and drive anymore but still enjoy when we can. we don’t drink everyday therefore we don’t have a problem. we don't miss work because of it, we don't have a problem. looking back now, this was when the demon began to tighten its stranglehold on me more. it really began to make excuses and started justifying things. the occasional binging led to other things.
over the years, thru partying and drinking it opened up a new world. drugs came into the picture. my first times around marijuana I always had my dad in the back of my head saying don’t do drugs, and how much worse they are for you than alcohol, but the demon again stabbed its claws in and strangled harder. "go ahead it smells great" I was told, thinking to myself hmmm its not as bad as cigarette smoke, its actually kinda good in a way. I eventually caved and tried it. nothing the first time so I was like eh, whatever. then I tried it years later, and I got hooked. we loved it! enjoying the new people that were around, things were great, things that were already fun seemed to be so much more so. I met a girl and quit it for 3 1/2 years cuz she didn’t like it. eventually we drifted a part, she said she wasn't sure why but she felt like we were just friends. sure it hurt, but I didn't start drinking more because of it, we would have a very rare occasional drink with each other, I'd still go have my fun while we were together. I felt I didn't have to worry about disrespecting her with smoking, so my demon and I got back into it. I eventually went thru my period of crushing and snorting pills, getting hooked on cocaine, ate mushrooms once, and I even smoked crack once too. marijuana was the toughest drug to quit. the others were easy to quit. but alcohol was always my demon. when I smoked crack I was like what the fuck am I doing? but I was under the influence, not thinking clearly and was like what the hell. why not? fuckit. looking back now, considering myself VERY lucky I didn’t die that night, or even any night I was under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I know I had angels watching out for me those nights.
saint patrick's day this year. man I had so much fun. drinking, hanging out, shots, beers, no drugs those were long done. hell some of my twitter friends probably even saw the pic of me drinking my pitcher of beer from the pitcher. simply put, the bartender forgot my glass. I was already feeling pretty well, so I figured aww hell, ill just drink it out of the pitcher. and sure enough I was at the bar drinking my beer out of the pitcher until it was gone. who does that? someone who is out of control. someone who's demon has such a stranglehold on them that they have no idea how much of a problem they really have.
this isn't an entirely bad story tho. here comes the bright light. as I said I had been realizing for awhiIe, that I needed to "slow down". never thought I had the strength to do this. I had someone come into my life recently who has taught me things. someone who has seen something in me, opened my eyes to certain things. it all made sense to me how certain things have happened. I'm seeing the meaning and importance of certain experiences because of this. this person said something to me, no, it wasn’t "you have a problem, you need help", but what was said planted a seed. that was 21 days ago tonight (I write this on April 8, 2010) when I had my last drink.
I have joined alcoholics anonymous. I've met some new people I can talk to if need be. I've heard stories shared, and there are bits and pieces I can relate to. my first meeting I was so scared. I was a mess, I was in tears. before the meeting I took the bus got there 45 minutes early and sat at the bus stop waiting. I sat there in tears I think it was the demon mostly, realizing holy shit this is the end? doing what it could to try to sway me into something that I'm sure people before me had done. catch the next bus and leave. but no, I'm stronger now. even being the mess that I was, I still had focus to know what I had to do. I am here, I have come so close. don't fail, don't miss the meeting. I sat in the meeting in tears most of the time. when asked if there was anyone new to the meeting, I sheepishly raised my hand. red faced and teary eyed, I said "my name is scott and I am an alcoholic" despite the tears and the initial fear, I knew from that point I was going to be ok, I felt the stranglehold release. the next meeting I got to share for 5 minutes. I was able to speak when the floor opened up, and people actually gave me props for what I shared. In today's meeting the main topic seemed to revolve around depression. I'm not going to go into too much detail of everything said in the meeting but this really opened my eyes to see just how bad It can affect some people. about 4 or 5 people said how bad they had gotten, that they had thoughts of suicide. One day that could have been me had I kept drinking, you never know. scary to see just how bad alcoholism and addiction can affect people.
looking back now I realize I had relapses. I know why these relapses happened. I was trying to quit for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t doing it for me. the demon was all too powerful. you can see how strong it was over me. I'm focused. I know what I want. I do my little things to help keep me focused my cloudy, foggy eyes that were beginning to open, were opened widely thanks to this person. I can say this though, I am enjoying life a lot more now. I see things more clearly, sounds are crisper, ALL of my senses feel more in tune. I go to a weekly meeting, and sometimes more if I feel I am called to. I realize and understand that I will never be completely free of this demon. it will always be riding my coattail. waiting as it always has for the moment to start to sink its claws into me. the temptation, no matter what I do will always be there. that’s why its always one day at a time, we never know what tomorrow will bring. stay focused on today. and to the person I mentioned previously thank you, thank you Deme for planting that seed and saving my life.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
@reelhot2touch
@reelhot2touch (meg) is a friend of mine on twitter who just passed away. unfortunately i have not known her as well or for as long as some of my other friends on twitter have. however she has touched my life. only having had the opportunity to exchange messages with her for a short period of time, she is a very strong person. she is now a much stronger angel.
i know that it is tough at the moment for many of you to stay strong and positive, but to me that is what she embodies. she embodies strength and positivity. no matter what adversity she faced here on earth she always seemed to be a positive person from the chance i had to message with her. if she were here on earth with us she would exude her strength and positivity towards us. sadly her journey here has just ended. however her journey is also just beginning.
she is moving onto something more powerful than she could accomplish here in the flesh. while here she was an angel among us as i can see how much she has touched peoples lives. but one can only do so much in the flesh, and when that work is done here, we are called. we are called to do more powerful work. to touch many more lives that we couldn't touch or reach in the flesh.
we must band together and be strong for one another. we all need strength, compassion and love from one another even more so now than ever. i know its not easy to stay strong when we are faced with a loss, i have faced many losses in life, i know it's not an easy thing to handle, especially the loss of a loved one. yes we may have lost someone we care about as far as a friend or someone we love, but have we really?
she will always be with each of us. it may be tough to see this now, but she will be. there will be a day when each of us sees this. you will see that her presence is always with us. it may be realized sooner for some than others as we all have our own journeys, and some of us will need the extra strength at different points. when that time comes is when the presence, strength and positivity of our angel will be realized.
if anyone reads this that doesn't follow me on twitter please feel free to message me at @porkchop103074 and if anyone needs to write more than what is available to the allotted 140 charachters, please feel free to comment this blog, or send me an email to porkchop103074@hotmail.com
also incase anyone is wondering where my avatar support ribbon came from copy and paste this link if you'd like it: Support In Memory of @reelhot2touch, add a #twibbon to your avatar now! - http://bit.ly/bPdx1o
may your body and soul rest in peace
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
what do i value?
in a world where it seems that there is negativity everywhere you look on the news, i value something that can be very tough to find. think about it.....how many positive and inspiring stories in the paper and on the news do you see? the next time you turn on the news remember what i just asked,and you'll see. very rarely do you see something inspiring or positive. you see crime, war, poverty, poor economy, homelessness. why does it seem that we are so drawn to negativity? to me negativity is a cancer. it spreads and spreads and eats away at its surroundings.
perfect example is a coworker of mine. from the time he gets in til the time he leaves 90% of the time he is complaining and being negative. that leads to more negativity in the department. i will fully admit that it is very tough to stay positive at work sometimes because of this. i have backup to get me thru the tough days where i feel the claws of negativity scratching at my back and trying to take hold of me and drag me down.
its partly because of some of the things i have gone thru in life. from my accident on 2004, and almost not being here, and then hitting rock bottom in 2007 and almost not being here(yes i was VERY close to...) i feel like i am the phoenix that has risen from the ashes to become something greater.
its also because i have some wonderful friends. i look back at how many incredible people i have met since these two previous close calls. now i know why i survived these two incidents. my work here is not done. i still have people to meet and i still have lives to make an impact on.
i would like to think that i have been an influence on people. i would also like to think that i have made a difference in my friends lives, especially those who have made a major difference in my life.
so you may ask what i value since i didn't say it outright. it's between the lines. i value positivity, friendship, and making a difference. (wow i'm tearing up at the moment knowing what my closing line is going to be......those of you on twitter know i can be naughty, and also have a very deep side. those of you who i have confided in also know that i am an emotional person as well)
when my time should come and i no longer walk the earth, no matter when in life it may be. today, tomorrow, 50 years from now. know this: i may not be here in the flesh, or a text, tweet, or phone call away. i will still have the 3 things i value the most and i have moved on to bigger work, making more of a difference:
I AM NOW YOUR ANGEL
Monday, March 15, 2010
drinking and driving part 2
so im in my car and i leave. they say most accidents happen close to home, well i can truthfully say this one did. it was LITERALLY around the corner from where i lived. i leave the lot and go around the corner and i feel the back end of my car kick out on me. no big deal ordinarily, but because i was so messed up, i couldnt compensate properly so i start zigzagging across the street (fortunately it was a oneway). i zigzagged til i hit the curb blew a tire and probably broke the tierod as well because i couldn't steer off the curb no matter how hard i pulled the wheel. i see the telephone pole coming closer and closer. fighting harder and harder to pull off the curb when OHSHIT!!!!!!!!!!
i wake up to a bright light, wondering if this is the light at the end of the tunnel they always talk about. saying to myself over and over i dont want to die, its not my time yet. praying; please dont let me die on the side of the road. i start to focus more and realize that it is a police officer. SHIT! now im screwed.
he says to me "do you know what happened?" "yeah" i said " i had a fucking accident!" (im now really aggravated: dui, no car insurance, no health insurance) officer says to me "dont even try to tell me you werent drinking tonight because i could smell it as soon as i got out of the car. are you able to get out from the vehicle" "no" i said (from the impact i had stuffed myself into the dashboard, hands stuck under the column, and feet stuck under the glovebox) "well let me go call rescue and theyll get you out" the cop said.
now im really aggravated knowing everything im up against, even more aggravated that im stuck in the damn car, the absolute WORST pain i have ever been in. so i'm me (the old me lol)getting REALLY aggravated and i tense up and somehow i pulled my hands out from under the column. SWEET im thinking, now i can at least get unstuck. grab my feet pull them out, and pull myself out of the car. stand up and SMACK!!!! i fall on the ground. cop turns around and yells out HOLY SHIT! runs over(i did all this before he got back to his car) "YOU?! you got yourself out of that?" he said. all nonchalant i reply "yeah." he asks me why i fell so i told him "idk theres something wrong with my leg, cuz as soon as i stood up it went out on me." he helps me up and asks if ill please sit on the curb til rescue gets here. "sure no problem" i tell him "i just wanted to be unstuck".
i dont remember much after that til halfway thru my ambulance ride to the hospital. don't remember much after that til im waking up at about 4am in the e.r. and then again at 845. still no clue what happened as far as injuries, i was just concerned about making it to work on time lol (yeah i have a strong work ethic haha) reaching for my busted cell phone to call work and let them know i was going to be late. nurse comes running over yelling at me to put it away and asks "WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CANT USE THAT IN HERE?!?!" told her i wanted to let work know i was gonna be a little bit late. she says "honey do you even know what happened to you last night?" i said "yeah i had an accident, but dont know the extent of my injuries." "WELL" she said "you dislocated your hip so youre gonna be more than "just a little late"
eventually my roomie finds out what happened and they come to see me. turns out i had broken my ankle and dislocated and fractured my hip. so yeah that turned into being about 4 months late for work. i had to go for surgery and have a plate put in my hip with 5 screws to help fuse the bone together. i was in the hospital for a month. i had 2 weeks of in hospital rehab, and then a couple of months at home. during my inhome rehab is when the livestrong bracelets first came out.
i was having a tough time with my rehab at home one day and wanted to just say fuckit and let it heal however and just deal with it cuz the pain was so bad. i looked at the bracelet and thought if lance armstrong can overcome what he went thru and be as successful as he is, then my little rehab is nothing. i sucked it up and continued with it. that was initially why i got my livestrong tattoo
since then ive known quite a few people who have battled cancer and lost, battled cancer and won, and are battling cancer. so it also goes out to them.
did i learn a lesson from that night? yes a very valuable one. life is precious. value everyday that you wakeup and make the most of it. live each day as if its your last. dont sweat the small things(still learning to not sweat the small things as once in a great while they get to me but, so far and few between i basically dont sweat the small things, nowhere near the way i used to) in life, as there are things much larger to worry about. that night changed me in a major way. changed me for the better.
i have changed SO much since then its almost like: "the night i was reborn"
i wake up to a bright light, wondering if this is the light at the end of the tunnel they always talk about. saying to myself over and over i dont want to die, its not my time yet. praying; please dont let me die on the side of the road. i start to focus more and realize that it is a police officer. SHIT! now im screwed.
he says to me "do you know what happened?" "yeah" i said " i had a fucking accident!" (im now really aggravated: dui, no car insurance, no health insurance) officer says to me "dont even try to tell me you werent drinking tonight because i could smell it as soon as i got out of the car. are you able to get out from the vehicle" "no" i said (from the impact i had stuffed myself into the dashboard, hands stuck under the column, and feet stuck under the glovebox) "well let me go call rescue and theyll get you out" the cop said.
now im really aggravated knowing everything im up against, even more aggravated that im stuck in the damn car, the absolute WORST pain i have ever been in. so i'm me (the old me lol)getting REALLY aggravated and i tense up and somehow i pulled my hands out from under the column. SWEET im thinking, now i can at least get unstuck. grab my feet pull them out, and pull myself out of the car. stand up and SMACK!!!! i fall on the ground. cop turns around and yells out HOLY SHIT! runs over(i did all this before he got back to his car) "YOU?! you got yourself out of that?" he said. all nonchalant i reply "yeah." he asks me why i fell so i told him "idk theres something wrong with my leg, cuz as soon as i stood up it went out on me." he helps me up and asks if ill please sit on the curb til rescue gets here. "sure no problem" i tell him "i just wanted to be unstuck".
i dont remember much after that til halfway thru my ambulance ride to the hospital. don't remember much after that til im waking up at about 4am in the e.r. and then again at 845. still no clue what happened as far as injuries, i was just concerned about making it to work on time lol (yeah i have a strong work ethic haha) reaching for my busted cell phone to call work and let them know i was going to be late. nurse comes running over yelling at me to put it away and asks "WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CANT USE THAT IN HERE?!?!" told her i wanted to let work know i was gonna be a little bit late. she says "honey do you even know what happened to you last night?" i said "yeah i had an accident, but dont know the extent of my injuries." "WELL" she said "you dislocated your hip so youre gonna be more than "just a little late"
eventually my roomie finds out what happened and they come to see me. turns out i had broken my ankle and dislocated and fractured my hip. so yeah that turned into being about 4 months late for work. i had to go for surgery and have a plate put in my hip with 5 screws to help fuse the bone together. i was in the hospital for a month. i had 2 weeks of in hospital rehab, and then a couple of months at home. during my inhome rehab is when the livestrong bracelets first came out.
i was having a tough time with my rehab at home one day and wanted to just say fuckit and let it heal however and just deal with it cuz the pain was so bad. i looked at the bracelet and thought if lance armstrong can overcome what he went thru and be as successful as he is, then my little rehab is nothing. i sucked it up and continued with it. that was initially why i got my livestrong tattoo
since then ive known quite a few people who have battled cancer and lost, battled cancer and won, and are battling cancer. so it also goes out to them.
did i learn a lesson from that night? yes a very valuable one. life is precious. value everyday that you wakeup and make the most of it. live each day as if its your last. dont sweat the small things(still learning to not sweat the small things as once in a great while they get to me but, so far and few between i basically dont sweat the small things, nowhere near the way i used to) in life, as there are things much larger to worry about. that night changed me in a major way. changed me for the better.
i have changed SO much since then its almost like: "the night i was reborn"
drinking and driving
ok so this was going to be posted on the 28th as its the 6 yr anniversary but fuckit. im posting it now lol. i'm not exactly sure why after 6 yrs i have been thinking about this so much lately, i mean its not like a mile stone like 5,10,15 years etc lol. as some people know i was a dumbass and had a bad dui accident, well here are the events of that night, that i still can relive like they happened yesterday.
the trees were in the impound lot.
ok so anyway heres what an innocent night of fun ended up causing. my roomie at the time and our friends wanted to have an incredible night at the club, so a bunch of us got together at my place, and we started to pregame. pizza alcohol and fun ran rampant thru my apartment. i ended up having 7 slippery nipple shots, 1 and a half 20 ounce bottles of premixed long island ice teas and a few green apple smirnoff ices. (haha told you i remembered it like yesterday) go time came and we all left. my roomie had no pockets in her jeans so i was the only one with the keys to get back in, no big we were all going back after the club anyhow.
get to the club and we ran into an ex of my roomies we were cool with. he lived in fall river, ma the club was in providence, ri and we lived in pawtucket, ri. we all split off into our own groups having fun. i'm pretty well lit at this point so im skipping, yes skipping thru the club(fuck id be a goof and do that sober lol). i get thirsty and go to the bar for a drink. ended up knowing the bartender who was hot, i flirted with her as she fed me drinks. i ended up having 5 long island ice teas and 3 greatful deads in about 15 minutes or so, and because i was flirting, the tipping got more with each drink and the drinks became stronger. well with all this alcohol in my system you can imagine i was pretty well drunk at this point, BUT i still managed to keep tabs on someone who ws driving so i would be able to get home.
my roomies ex got separated from us somehow(maybe the skipping scared him away lmao)my fon starts blowing up. its 2 of my friends with my roomie saying theyre going back to the apartment because she doesnt feel good and wants to go to sleep. her ex was supposed to stay over because it was a long ride for them to bring him home and then go back to the apartment.this is where the fun starts to go wrong......
i end up getting home and letting the 3 of them in when my roomie asks where her ex is. i tell her hes still in providence cuz i was told to come home ASAP. its now about 215 220 am and shes throwing a tantrum on the floor literally laying on my kitchen floor kicking and screaming that i have to go get him. at this point i KNOW im in no shape to drive. looking at the time i say ugh waht the fuck ill go get him!!!! her friend tells me im too fucked up to drive and she wants to go with me to know i make it ok....ummm hello should she have not grabbed my keys from me? thats neither here nor there. something inside me is telling me that something is going to go wrong.. a horrible gut feeling. i talk her out of going with me and head downstairs and get in my car. this is where everything goes horribly wrong............................ to be continued
the trees were in the impound lot.
ok so anyway heres what an innocent night of fun ended up causing. my roomie at the time and our friends wanted to have an incredible night at the club, so a bunch of us got together at my place, and we started to pregame. pizza alcohol and fun ran rampant thru my apartment. i ended up having 7 slippery nipple shots, 1 and a half 20 ounce bottles of premixed long island ice teas and a few green apple smirnoff ices. (haha told you i remembered it like yesterday) go time came and we all left. my roomie had no pockets in her jeans so i was the only one with the keys to get back in, no big we were all going back after the club anyhow.
get to the club and we ran into an ex of my roomies we were cool with. he lived in fall river, ma the club was in providence, ri and we lived in pawtucket, ri. we all split off into our own groups having fun. i'm pretty well lit at this point so im skipping, yes skipping thru the club(fuck id be a goof and do that sober lol). i get thirsty and go to the bar for a drink. ended up knowing the bartender who was hot, i flirted with her as she fed me drinks. i ended up having 5 long island ice teas and 3 greatful deads in about 15 minutes or so, and because i was flirting, the tipping got more with each drink and the drinks became stronger. well with all this alcohol in my system you can imagine i was pretty well drunk at this point, BUT i still managed to keep tabs on someone who ws driving so i would be able to get home.
my roomies ex got separated from us somehow(maybe the skipping scared him away lmao)my fon starts blowing up. its 2 of my friends with my roomie saying theyre going back to the apartment because she doesnt feel good and wants to go to sleep. her ex was supposed to stay over because it was a long ride for them to bring him home and then go back to the apartment.this is where the fun starts to go wrong......
i end up getting home and letting the 3 of them in when my roomie asks where her ex is. i tell her hes still in providence cuz i was told to come home ASAP. its now about 215 220 am and shes throwing a tantrum on the floor literally laying on my kitchen floor kicking and screaming that i have to go get him. at this point i KNOW im in no shape to drive. looking at the time i say ugh waht the fuck ill go get him!!!! her friend tells me im too fucked up to drive and she wants to go with me to know i make it ok....ummm hello should she have not grabbed my keys from me? thats neither here nor there. something inside me is telling me that something is going to go wrong.. a horrible gut feeling. i talk her out of going with me and head downstairs and get in my car. this is where everything goes horribly wrong............................ to be continued
Sunday, March 7, 2010
sunday afternoon tunred int about me part#2
so this is just a random blog. i can be very random so this works well to fill the gap between blogs. just kinda sittin around on a sunday afternoon chiolin with my friend listening to some music, and having a beer.
ok uuuummmm so maybe its more than justr a beer:
its all good tho im not driving, definitely learned my lesson with that shit. speaking of......its gonna be 6 years at the end of the month since my lifechanging accident.........having a good day so im not sure i want to ruin it rehashing that event. even tho its been so long it still makes me tear up at times....
so ive just realized ive known my friend for like 7 or 8 years and it really doenst seem like it. he had burnt me for $40 a couple of summers ago, but hes made up for it. i stopped talking to him over it for awhile as is expected. but things have since cleared up and were cool again.
i guess this is now added as part 2 on my about me blog now....looks like i kinda segued into it...
as far as the about me part......1 of the things that some of my twitter friends know im a good friend. im the type of person who will give you the shirt off my back and go out of my way for my friends. im very loyal and will always be there for my friends no matter what as is evdienced by the above.......friendship is very important to me..........
ok uuuummmm so maybe its more than justr a beer:
its all good tho im not driving, definitely learned my lesson with that shit. speaking of......its gonna be 6 years at the end of the month since my lifechanging accident.........having a good day so im not sure i want to ruin it rehashing that event. even tho its been so long it still makes me tear up at times....
so ive just realized ive known my friend for like 7 or 8 years and it really doenst seem like it. he had burnt me for $40 a couple of summers ago, but hes made up for it. i stopped talking to him over it for awhile as is expected. but things have since cleared up and were cool again.
i guess this is now added as part 2 on my about me blog now....looks like i kinda segued into it...
as far as the about me part......1 of the things that some of my twitter friends know im a good friend. im the type of person who will give you the shirt off my back and go out of my way for my friends. im very loyal and will always be there for my friends no matter what as is evdienced by the above.......friendship is very important to me..........
Thursday, February 25, 2010
the pickup
ok so we’ll switch it up. We’ll go a little bit naughty this time. True story. I was working at BJ’s Wholesale Club(pausing while you get the laughing out of your systems cuz of the name…….looking at watch, ok comeon now people compose yourselves so I can continue… whistling the jeopardy theme song…ok may I? lol) part time quite a few years ago. And this is when I started coming out of my shell. Do I tell you about my exploits with co-workers, or picking up a girl one night. All are equally as good. We’ll go with picking up the girl.
Ok so a few of the guys from work, went out to the club. Some of their girlfriends showed up for a bit which was totally cool, and I ran into a group of girls I knew totally randomly. So the night is off to a great start. I’m a flirty person, some of it just playful some of it serious, and my friend kristen knew this, and so she starts busting my balls and asks me if I saw anything that caught my eye. At that point I had to respond, “no nothing has caugh………wait someone just did” then someone bumped into me. I had to turn and see what the hell, so I lost eye contact. It was my friend kevin who was stumbling drunk. I was like “dude! I just had my eye on a girl and you made me lose her” Drunkenly he yells GOOOOOO!!!!!!! FIND HER!!!!!!!!! It was so funny I still remember exactly the pitch tone and sound of how he yelled that lololol.
I really wasn’t planning on the night to unfold how it had. I had no atm card, and $30 to my name and enough gas to get home. I had fun pregaming, so I didn’t have to spend a lot when I went out. (this is pre dui btw).
Anyway I start to meander around the bar looking for this girl. In a dark club I noticed her eyes and that was what immediatley sparked my interest. Everything after I had seen her eyes, um yeah WOW! about 5’5” long curly brown hair, hazel eyes, and a body type im a sucker for. someone I would never have imagined I would ever have a chance with. I go to the other side of the club where the pool tables are and HOLY SHIT! There she is at the bar BY HERSELF. All nervous im like wtfwtfwtfwtf…..BOTH the angel and the lil devil on my shoulder were yelling at me to not be a pussy. The devil poked me in the ass with his pitchfork and the angel carried me and flew me over now I really gotta do something. So I kinda stammered and said “hi, im scott. I saw you earlier and you caught my eye. I wanted to see if I could buy you a drink before but someone bumped into me and when I turned back you were gone” “hi scott im tammy” she responds. AWESOME she acknowledged me! So i said to her “what are you drinking tonight? We’re both here at the bar and already have a fresh drink so I guess that blows my chances on that.” She turns towards me and tells me she’s drinking a long island. I asked her “how are they here, ive never had one from here before. I do love long islands tho.” She looks at me and smiles and tells me to take a sip. I do, and then I order one. We end up going and sitting down, we’re both feeling really good lol.
Now here we are sitting at the table and I’m looking at this girl in total amazement that I am actually talking to her and we’re having a great time. Another girl comes over and ends up sitting down and talking to her, it turns out to be her friend checking up on her. First thing she asks is if shes ok and who I am. Tammy tells her shes fine and says this is scott I just met him. I turn my attention toward her friend and introduce myself. (this just as im getting ready to ask her for her number) I said “hi I’m scott, I came down with a few of my friends, and saw your friend here and thought id say hi and introduce myself.” So she asks about me, felt like I was being interrogated but, it was all good I respect her for looking out for her friend. She says “ok you seem really cool, you can still talk to my friend” hmmm I got the friends approval. So I said “I was just about ready to ask tammy for her number I’ll be honest. But you came along and you really seem to care about her and shes really drunk. Do you mind if I get her number? If not its totally cool.” She talks to tammy, and I get the number. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!! Her friend goes off to find some people, and tammy asks me to dance.
We go to the dance floor and start really dancing. Grinding touching fondling. Then she says to me. “what would you do if I kissed you.” Devil and angel are like OH NO SHE DI’INT …me being me I say “shit ima kiss you back!” dancing a little more, her ass grinding on my crotch I lean into her ear and say “ok my turn. What would you do if I kissed you.” “kiss me and find out” she said…….devil on my shoulder knocked out the angel so I turned her around and we were making out on the dance floor. We got so lost in each other next thing I know the lights are on. Looking around none of my friends are to be found theyre gone lol. At the end of the night there was a girl selling roses in the club so I bought one and gave it to tammy, told her my friends are gone, and asked if she minded if I walked her to her car with her friends. She says theyre going to foxwoods and asked if I wanted to go. SHIT remember earlier I only had $30 no atm card and enough gas to get home YIKES! Me being an idiot said SURE! Thinking I could make it there and back home. Halfway there I fess up to her and tell her I don’t have enough gas to make it, and my predicament. She tells me not to worry about it shell call her friends and tell her she cant go. So turn around we go I find out where she lives aye carumba. No way am I making it. Fuckfuckfuck!
Now im shittin my pants worrying. Were holding hands and I said to her “I know we just met but can you either let me borrow $5 and ill pay you back tomorrow or we go to my house just so I can get my atm card then ill bring you home.” What she says next OMG…. “welllll I can always just stay at your house right?” wowowowow im thinking, she just invited herself over! Mind you I also have to work at 9am so what do I do? We get back to my house and I call out! Haha
We get in my room and start kissing, lay in the bed and start to fool around a little bit. FUCKME WAS I HORNY! I reached for the button on her jeans, and she stops me. No I can’t, im not feeling to good. (dieing sound of super mario from super mario brothers echos thru my head) but I respect her, tell her no problem, ill go sleep on the futon if you wanna stay in the bed, its more comfy than the futon. She tells me no she wants me to hold her.
Haha not the ending you were expecting was it? While nothing transpired sexually that night we did go on to be friends and saw each other for awhile, but sadly life makes things change sometimes, and we drifted a apart. They say people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Obviously it wasn’t for a lifetime. But I wonder, was it for a reason? Or a season?
about me part 1
HMMMMMM......OK so this "about me" blog, yeahp tougher than I thought lol.i'm kinda stumped as to how and where to begin. do i list out a timeline of things that have happened and made me who i am or do i just wing it and figure it out as i go?
ok looks like i'm just winging it as i go, which is good cuz a lot of the times i'm fly by the seat of my pantsish and spontaneous. other times i do like to have a plan set out. i have a few personal quotes i've made that represent me the best. there's the saying "he or she marches to the beat of a different drummer." to state that someone is different than the norm,but in essence that also kinda means that somehow, someway they are also the same as someone else, no? well my first quote: "i don't march to the beat of a different drummer. i beat up the drummer boy stole the drums and now i'm my OWN drummer". i feel that describes me very well, as there are many different sides to me and i don't think i fall into any one particular type of category.
now that,that has been established, let's go on to the "about me" part. you see a guy who shaves his head and has a long goattee and tats (granted i only have four and i'm not covered in them but still) and what is the first thing that comes to mind? i have a scorpion with a red circle
(sun maybe idk what the heck its supposed to be i just thought it was cool and i'm a scorpio) i had 2 people think the tat was because i was in a gang! ok so we have people out there who do judge by the cover but there are people who don't judge a book by its cover. however stereotypically what does one think? sometimes we start forming images of someone based on looks: like what type of person they are, what kind of music they like, how they treat people etc.
a little more about me, we'll start with clothing style. a lot of times people will get caught up in dressing in one particular style of clothing.not me, i wear what i like regardless of what style it belongs to and i have NOTHING wrong with people who do only dress in one style. if that's what you like it's what you like, who am i to judge? most of you on twitter see how i normally dress(t-shirt and jeans, boots, bandana or winter hat depending on the weather) i also love hats (STILL trying to find a Toronto Raptors hat btw ;) hehe)and i have a decent collection of jereys (baseball football basketball etc) . i also have nice dress shirts and nice dressy clothes as well. again i buy what i like and what i think is cool regardless of what "style" it belongs to. sadly too many of us judge others based solely on appearance. i worked at citizen's bank in a call center and had to dress nice and take the bus everyday. how people reacted to me when riding the bus dressed for work all fancy, and when i wore day to day wear tshirt, or hoodie, hat and jeans was astounding. i have an example from just the other day. i was wearing a nice plain hoodie from old navy and a pair of nice jeans, well kept boots, and a black winter hat. i was out for a walk leaving my neighborhood , when an older lady (im guessing in her 60'sish) is walking down the street on my side. i would say we were maybe about 4 phone poles apart when i saw her clutch her purse pick up her pace and cross the street still clutching it as she continued past me on the otherside of the street. i understand being cautious in today's world, but how does that make me feel? what would you have done had you not known me? this next example isn't about me but what happened in the news in 1 town over from me. nice well off town had 9 high school kids arrested for making homemade soda bottle bombs. 1 blew up a mailbox, and another was placed under someones car. to look at these kids pictures in the paper, you wouldn't expect something like that from them based on how they are dressed.what if i dressed "preppy", or "businesslike". how about "sporty" or "rocky". what if i was wearing ripped raggedy & dirty jeans? to not know me what would you think? would you classify me into the sterotypical category for each? i try not to judge or categorize based upon how someone is dressed, because how you dress doesn't necessarily have to reflect how you are as a person.
noooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww do i move on to personality, likes, dislikes, or interests next hmmmmmm.......welllll i'm off to ponder, so i'll leave you with this as part 1......hope you like it so far :)
ok looks like i'm just winging it as i go, which is good cuz a lot of the times i'm fly by the seat of my pantsish and spontaneous. other times i do like to have a plan set out. i have a few personal quotes i've made that represent me the best. there's the saying "he or she marches to the beat of a different drummer." to state that someone is different than the norm,but in essence that also kinda means that somehow, someway they are also the same as someone else, no? well my first quote: "i don't march to the beat of a different drummer. i beat up the drummer boy stole the drums and now i'm my OWN drummer". i feel that describes me very well, as there are many different sides to me and i don't think i fall into any one particular type of category.
now that,that has been established, let's go on to the "about me" part. you see a guy who shaves his head and has a long goattee and tats (granted i only have four and i'm not covered in them but still) and what is the first thing that comes to mind? i have a scorpion with a red circle
(sun maybe idk what the heck its supposed to be i just thought it was cool and i'm a scorpio) i had 2 people think the tat was because i was in a gang! ok so we have people out there who do judge by the cover but there are people who don't judge a book by its cover. however stereotypically what does one think? sometimes we start forming images of someone based on looks: like what type of person they are, what kind of music they like, how they treat people etc. a little more about me, we'll start with clothing style. a lot of times people will get caught up in dressing in one particular style of clothing.not me, i wear what i like regardless of what style it belongs to and i have NOTHING wrong with people who do only dress in one style. if that's what you like it's what you like, who am i to judge? most of you on twitter see how i normally dress(t-shirt and jeans, boots, bandana or winter hat depending on the weather) i also love hats (STILL trying to find a Toronto Raptors hat btw ;) hehe)and i have a decent collection of jereys (baseball football basketball etc) . i also have nice dress shirts and nice dressy clothes as well. again i buy what i like and what i think is cool regardless of what "style" it belongs to. sadly too many of us judge others based solely on appearance. i worked at citizen's bank in a call center and had to dress nice and take the bus everyday. how people reacted to me when riding the bus dressed for work all fancy, and when i wore day to day wear tshirt, or hoodie, hat and jeans was astounding. i have an example from just the other day. i was wearing a nice plain hoodie from old navy and a pair of nice jeans, well kept boots, and a black winter hat. i was out for a walk leaving my neighborhood , when an older lady (im guessing in her 60'sish) is walking down the street on my side. i would say we were maybe about 4 phone poles apart when i saw her clutch her purse pick up her pace and cross the street still clutching it as she continued past me on the otherside of the street. i understand being cautious in today's world, but how does that make me feel? what would you have done had you not known me? this next example isn't about me but what happened in the news in 1 town over from me. nice well off town had 9 high school kids arrested for making homemade soda bottle bombs. 1 blew up a mailbox, and another was placed under someones car. to look at these kids pictures in the paper, you wouldn't expect something like that from them based on how they are dressed.what if i dressed "preppy", or "businesslike". how about "sporty" or "rocky". what if i was wearing ripped raggedy & dirty jeans? to not know me what would you think? would you classify me into the sterotypical category for each? i try not to judge or categorize based upon how someone is dressed, because how you dress doesn't necessarily have to reflect how you are as a person.
noooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww do i move on to personality, likes, dislikes, or interests next hmmmmmm.......welllll i'm off to ponder, so i'll leave you with this as part 1......hope you like it so far :)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
deep thoughts
recently i've had someone truly special come in to my life. her name is deme, she has enlightened me and had a tremendous impact in my life. and i could not be more grateful and appreciative. i love you. introducing me to having a sixth sense about seeing things in people that others may not or just will not see. a lot of past things i have encountered ties together and holds this true. some of the events in previous blogs make me truly believe this. she is an incredibly beautiful person inside and out and i am honoured to have her in my life. given me the ability to look at things in a new light, an awakening, an enlightenment, whatever you want to call it, it has truly affected me in a positive way. this ties in to my next part. as some of my twitter friends are aware i just lost a great friend. she was an incredible person with a heart of gold. she had overcome a lot in life, left a mentally and physically abusive husband, and had a great 10yr old little girl. her smile would brighten any room. sadly she had gotten sick a few months ago. this turned into a case of swine flu, and it struck her bad.. she suffered a collapsed lung, among other medical issues. her sister whom i had never met informed me when she first found out the news of the extent of her illness. Her battle and struggle had consumed her for about 3 months. During the time when the illness ran its course, she was medically induced into a coma for 10days, multiple tubes and machines hooked up to her and she also suffered a collapsed lung, among other medical issues.. Is this quality life? Not exactly, but it was her final journey in the here and now, it’s unfortunate she had to go thru it being such a great person. Why? We’ll probably never know why it happened other than her time in the flesh was up, yet her soul is now at peace and continuing on its journey. She had fought for about a week after the doctors had announced they had done all that they could do, and the decision was made to remove her from the machines that aided her struggle.
Of course I’m still saddened by this passing, however I am at peace with the situation knowing she is better off. I was on her facebook page to leave a posting last night, and I broke down into tears. I was amazed at all the people’s lives she had touched the way she did. I’m better for knowing her as she helped me to enjoy what we may take for granted on a daily basis. While she was here before she was sick I gave her a tour of the area for a couple of days and I was able to step back and appreciate the daily things even more, being able to see things I take forgranted thru new eyes. Maybe that was her final calling? To make me open up and appreciate the daily things that much more?
I realize she had been suffering for quite some time battling the swine flu, and is better off her soul is at peace. When I got the news I immediately lost it and messaged my friend I had mentioned earlier in the blog. I may have lost focus for a bit but, she helped me to regain the focus of what I already had known. That while yes my friend may have passed and its tragic, her body is at peace and her soul has moved on to its next journey. I may have lost a friend in the flesh, but I have gained an angel………rest in peace Christina
Of course I’m still saddened by this passing, however I am at peace with the situation knowing she is better off. I was on her facebook page to leave a posting last night, and I broke down into tears. I was amazed at all the people’s lives she had touched the way she did. I’m better for knowing her as she helped me to enjoy what we may take for granted on a daily basis. While she was here before she was sick I gave her a tour of the area for a couple of days and I was able to step back and appreciate the daily things even more, being able to see things I take forgranted thru new eyes. Maybe that was her final calling? To make me open up and appreciate the daily things that much more?
I realize she had been suffering for quite some time battling the swine flu, and is better off her soul is at peace. When I got the news I immediately lost it and messaged my friend I had mentioned earlier in the blog. I may have lost focus for a bit but, she helped me to regain the focus of what I already had known. That while yes my friend may have passed and its tragic, her body is at peace and her soul has moved on to its next journey. I may have lost a friend in the flesh, but I have gained an angel………rest in peace Christina
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
sex in public?
ok so someone on twitter recently mentioned sex in public. and it got me to thinking....and heres a story i have to share. couple of summers ago i was hanging out on my friends steps 1 night with a handle size bottle of captain morgan.(conveniently she lives right up the hill so staggering home is a viable option lol)now weve always been flirty,kissed fooled around a few times but this night was...WOW. So were sitting there havin some drinks having a great time, im sitting behind her & i start to rub her shoulders. she starts to enjoy it the drinks keep flowing & things progress. a breeze comes along & she comments oooh that made my nipples hard...so me being me i move in for the kill...i said really how bout i move the massage to the front and warm u up ;) i knew i didnt have to say anything i could have just done it but me being me...she giggled & i began to massage her breasts and tease her nipples thru her pj top. she started to moan and lean back(by know were 3/4 of a handle of captain deep so our surroundings dont matter)i started to kiss her neck as i teased her nipples...i started to run my hands down her belly and massage down her legs and back up her inner thighs. i snuck my hand in her pj pants and began to slowly tease her wetness.gently massaging her clit i reach around and slide a finger inside with my other hand & i start working her getting her wetter. she leans against me moaning and squirning against my hardness. she says between moans i need u to fuck me. my pants come down hers come down and she straddles me and slides me inside her. shes riding and grinding me getting wetter i say to her fuck me...come on fuck me harder..she moans out im trying to..harder comeon harder shes now riding me harder than i have ever been ridden b4...AND WERE ON HER FRONT STEPS! i let her rest and i start going down on her god was she ever wet! she ends up making me lay down on the steps and rides me reverse cowgirl for awhile....we then switched to missionary i ended up giving it to her so hard she was clawing my back and biting my forearm so she didnt scream and wake the neighbors...i told her if she keeps that up its only gonna turn me on more and make me want to cum. she says ill stop cuz i want it doggie b4 you cum. now shes on all fours on her front steps (and even though im drunk both the devil on my shoulder and the angel on my other shoulder are high fiving each other sayin you go boy! as im subconciously shaking my head saying i cant believe im banging her on the front steps! lol)so i easily slide in from behind double wrap her hair in my fist and start pumping her hard..i suck my finger and slide it in her ass she pushes againdt me bucking harder & harder our bodies working in perfect rhythm until we both cant take anymore as our bodies start to shake and explode in an incredibly hard orgasm...we put our pants back on make a drink and in comes one of her neighbors..we both look at each other like OMFG laugh and finish our drrink. i pack up my bag and stagger home caused by drunkenness and an incredibly hot fuck.....
Monday, January 25, 2010
sixth sense
so i've been feeling a little bit different lately. reflective if you will? just looking back at life and comparing it to the adage that "everything happens for a reason". i also feel, i guess a little more "spiritual" or maybe "enlightened" if you will? i ran into a gentleman sunday at the bus stop, he was obviously homeless, but i never shut anyone off by appearance or anything like that. if you approach me and talk to me i will respond, just depends on how i'm approached and why i am approached for how long the conversation will last. he was sitting there as i walked up to the shanty (i guess that's the fancy word for saying bus hut )(an enclosure to protect passengers from the weather). the conversation started out because i was lighting a cigarette(yeah bad habit i know, trying to quit :) he jokingly said to me "haha you know as soon as you light that cigarette the bus is going to come right?" i laughed and said yeah thats my luck (thinking to myself i have more than a half a pack left it wont kill me to lose one in fact hopefully it does come and i waste it, 1 step closer to quitting), he asked for a cigarette, i gave him 1 , actually a total of 3 is what he ended up with, i was trying to quit anyway and due to his curcumstances i knew he would be appreciative, and from there we just kinda struck up a conversation. he seemed so happy to have someone actually take time to talk to him....he did ask for some change for a coffee, i ended up giving him a dollar, but i admire that he didnt just say hey buddy you got change? he talked to me about homelessness, how he was beat up and robbed for his shoes by a group of teens. he was able to break 1 kids jaw before the rest got him. cops came and they took the kids in who attacked him, about how things have changed from cost of goods to cost of living etc. i found out he's 45 years old on ssi, can't get into public assisted housing in rhode island due to a felony possession charge for marijuana from when he was 18. the bus ended up coming and i had a few extra change cards i gave him, i figured he could use them more than i could. we got on the bus and parted ways i told him to stay safe. who knows maybe our paths will cross again, maybe they won't but it was interesting to hear what he had to say.
now this next event goes back a few years, 2007 actually. was i touched by an angel? the other night i went to old navy bought two hats they rang up wrong(noticed once i got home) now i NEVER would go back to squabble over a few measly bucks, just like hey whatever, but something told me to go. i got to kp(kennedy plaza the bus terminal in downtown providence, RI at 6 and was trying to rush to prov place(the mall) and back to kp to catch my 615 bus(missed it by like 2 mins) but while rushing to prov place i was encountered by this couple both mid to late 40's i would say, he ahd on a long coat a cane long blonde hair and glasses and she had on a puffy baseball coat and blond hair as well. he approached me and said to me "i dont mean to be rude and i dont mean to be ignorant but ive asked a few people for bus fare to get home to north providence could you help?" now normally id be like sorry i cant help, but something so strange about it; i actually felt comfortable, at ease when they approached me so i reached in my pocket pulled out a knife and said SCREW!(lol just kidding just trying to subside my tears, cuz this is a chilling moment to me) but i reached in my pocket and grabbed 2 extra riptix(good for a oneway ride and 1 transfer, and gave them each one so they could get home since i have a pbuspass now i dont need them. he was very grateful so i continued on my way. did what i had to do and ran back to kp to try and catch my bus but missed it. i did however see them standing in line waiting for thier bus they boarded and sat in the middle facing me. the bus pulled away and they seemed to kinda disappear. now the reason i say touched by an angel and makes you wonder, is because there was a point in the summer of 2007 before this happened that i was suicidal , i hit my personal rock bottom in life(thats for another blog...maybe or if i choose to tell anyone why) and prayed one night just to get me thru the night (i really felt as though i was battling for my soul that night it was the oddest feeling. there is no way i could ever properly explain it) and i prayed for a second chance after my job interview and got hired that day. it hit me later that night that when i ran into them that maybe it was a test...to see if i truly do appreciate the opportunity i've been given..did i see past their appearance and realize there was something more to them? draw your own conclusions: bizarre series of coincidences or divine intervention....we'll never truly know....but just kinda makes you wonder.......now i was told recently i have a sixth sense, the ability to see things in people that others don't or wouldn't be able to see. looking at these 2 circumstances seems to confirm that. i don't always help people out when they approach me, if i did i'd also end up homeless on the street because i'd be giving all my money away lol. but with the recent revelation of the sixth sense, i believe it. i believe i can see things in others that others would not see. i leave you with this: a lot of times people will look at the homeless as though they are a disease. unfortunately due to the old school connotation of being homeless instantaneously meant the person was a drunken bum, or a drug addict, a liar a cheat a thief etc..... but perhaps some of these homeless people are really angels testing us? am i able to see that? also one last thing i would like to say, is that now with this economy please look past the old stereotype, it could be you or me out there............
now this next event goes back a few years, 2007 actually. was i touched by an angel? the other night i went to old navy bought two hats they rang up wrong(noticed once i got home) now i NEVER would go back to squabble over a few measly bucks, just like hey whatever, but something told me to go. i got to kp(kennedy plaza the bus terminal in downtown providence, RI at 6 and was trying to rush to prov place(the mall) and back to kp to catch my 615 bus(missed it by like 2 mins) but while rushing to prov place i was encountered by this couple both mid to late 40's i would say, he ahd on a long coat a cane long blonde hair and glasses and she had on a puffy baseball coat and blond hair as well. he approached me and said to me "i dont mean to be rude and i dont mean to be ignorant but ive asked a few people for bus fare to get home to north providence could you help?" now normally id be like sorry i cant help, but something so strange about it; i actually felt comfortable, at ease when they approached me so i reached in my pocket pulled out a knife and said SCREW!(lol just kidding just trying to subside my tears, cuz this is a chilling moment to me) but i reached in my pocket and grabbed 2 extra riptix(good for a oneway ride and 1 transfer, and gave them each one so they could get home since i have a pbuspass now i dont need them. he was very grateful so i continued on my way. did what i had to do and ran back to kp to try and catch my bus but missed it. i did however see them standing in line waiting for thier bus they boarded and sat in the middle facing me. the bus pulled away and they seemed to kinda disappear. now the reason i say touched by an angel and makes you wonder, is because there was a point in the summer of 2007 before this happened that i was suicidal , i hit my personal rock bottom in life(thats for another blog...maybe or if i choose to tell anyone why) and prayed one night just to get me thru the night (i really felt as though i was battling for my soul that night it was the oddest feeling. there is no way i could ever properly explain it) and i prayed for a second chance after my job interview and got hired that day. it hit me later that night that when i ran into them that maybe it was a test...to see if i truly do appreciate the opportunity i've been given..did i see past their appearance and realize there was something more to them? draw your own conclusions: bizarre series of coincidences or divine intervention....we'll never truly know....but just kinda makes you wonder.......now i was told recently i have a sixth sense, the ability to see things in people that others don't or wouldn't be able to see. looking at these 2 circumstances seems to confirm that. i don't always help people out when they approach me, if i did i'd also end up homeless on the street because i'd be giving all my money away lol. but with the recent revelation of the sixth sense, i believe it. i believe i can see things in others that others would not see. i leave you with this: a lot of times people will look at the homeless as though they are a disease. unfortunately due to the old school connotation of being homeless instantaneously meant the person was a drunken bum, or a drug addict, a liar a cheat a thief etc..... but perhaps some of these homeless people are really angels testing us? am i able to see that? also one last thing i would like to say, is that now with this economy please look past the old stereotype, it could be you or me out there............
Friday, January 22, 2010
what is a soulmate?
A lot of times you typically hear people saying; "oh my god i've met the perfect girl/boy they're my soulmate."This refers to relationships and dating and whatnot. Ask yourself, does a soulmate really have to be someone you are romantically involved with? I say no, not at all. To me a soul mate is someone who for some reason you can't put your finger on it, but you're meant to be in each other's lives. A soul mate is someone who completes you and compliments you on so many levels. From sense of humor to comfort when you need it. They are there to give you what you are missing, or to compliment your nature. Is this person someone you love? Yes. Is this person someone you have to be IN love with to complete you and compliment you? No. Life brings us so many new people into and out of our lives. The people taken out of our lives whether we just unfortunately drift apart, or worse lose someone to a sickness. The people we have drifted apart from are those we no longer need. The people taken from us due to sickness, become our angels and will always be there for us. On the topic of angels, does one really need to pass on in to the afterlife? Or could they just be right under our noses? ;) think about it...................
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