Friday, June 25, 2010


ok its been awhile but here we go new blog. What has twitter meant to me? it's been a great place....for the most part. there are definitely all sorts of people out in the twitterverse.

There are people who may be too shy to express certain sides of themselves in the real world, and twitter is a great escape to allow that. You don't need to post your real name if you choose not to.

There are genuine honest caring people, who will go out of their way to make sure, or at least try to ensure you have a good day, or even try to make that day better.

There are funny hilarious people, who will always make you laugh no matter what.

There are people who will just shock you at every turn.

There are also unfortunately fakes and liars on twitter as well. Some of them are easy to see through, and some of them weave such a tangled web of deciet and lies, that i am sure they have forgotten who they themselves are.

There i believe are also angels among twitter as well. Finding someone you can be so close to, yet never having met, but just feeling that kind of inexplicable bond that connects you.

I have made a lot of friends, and made a few real close ones. Closer to some people than i'd ever imagine i could be. i have had a lot confided in me and i have confided a lot as well. Everything confided to me has stayed there. Safely hidden away in a vault with a memory lock, so that only i may access it.

It pains me to have to say this but i am leaving twitter for awhile. I will be checking in sporadically here and there to drop a quick hi, hello or pic. It's unfortunate that twitter's inabilities to maintain a properly functioning system, it's caused me to have broken conversations, especially some important conversations with people by not sending me all my messages to my phone. thia has been a regular occurance with twitter especially this past week, so it has led me to this decision. If you would like other ways to contact me feel free to. Some of you already do. There are no worries or hard feelings if you don't. I won't look at anyone any differently if you choose not to keep in touch while im away from twitter in my normal presence. So i wish you all a good day.


if anyone would like access to those, please dm me.

love ya all.................scott xoxo

AMMENDED ok so i was almost going to delete this.....but i figured why? all my blogs are real thoughts, real experiences so its going to stay im just ammending it.

my "selfish ego" reared up and played a role in posting this blog. was thinking to much about the bullshit that twitter has been the pasat week with its issues due to world cup.

theres more important things to consider than dealing with the twitter issues that it has with its inabilities to handle the masses.

thought hard this am at work. it made me sad. in a way i kinda felt like i was cutting off an arm due to a hang nail. was thinking about the smiles that twitter has given me, the great friends and close relationships that have been made. the multitudes of smiles and bright spots in people's day that i create.

so to sum it up y'all stuck with my ugly mug on twitter :P

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

info on the Autism walk i'm doing sunday April 25th

I am just posting this blog in an attempt to help try and raise some money for Autism. My friend Brenda's son as you'll see below has Autism. I am joining the walk for Autism just as i did last year. As many of you know i will do what i can to help my friends. There is absolutely nothing in it for me, in fact my friend doesn't even know I am doing this. Just a little something i wanted to do to show my support, and in hopes to get even just one donation. i know that times are tough but any little bit helps. thank you for taking the time to read this. :) Below is the email i received:

Help us battle Autism!!

As friends of Jonathan and the Medeiros-Picozzi families, you have been generous in the past years and we are hopeful that you will be able to be so once again this year to help us continue to fundraising and info-raising for this pervasive disorder. Autism affects 1 in 110 children.
Fewer dollars are coming in from Federal and a State sources, so this is our small way in which we can help the Autism Project of RI. There are a few ways in which you can help the cause:

The Medeiros-Picozzi Family is holding our 2nd Annual Spaghetti and Meatball dinner on Sunday
April 18th starting at 1pm in Warwick, RI at the Prata Bar and Grille. Tickets are $25.00 and all
proceeds from the dinner and raffles will go directly to the Autism Project of RI. You can contact
Brenda ( or Russell ( for tickets and

If you cannot attend the dinner and would still like to donate, you can go to the following secure
website and make your donation there. Also, we
would be pleased to accept cash or check (made out to the Autism Project of RI). All gifts
made to the Autism Project of RI stay in RI to help those afflicted with autism.

On Sunday April 25, 2010 at 10am the 8th Annual Imagine Walk and Family Fun day for
Autism ( will take place, if you would like
to join us for the Walk at Goddard Park, please let Brenda or Russell know

April is Autism Awareness Month

here is my friend Brenda's son on the left that I am doing this walk for.

thank you in advance for your generosity and for supporting our family, Jonathan and others who are affected by Autism.

Again thank you for taking the time to read this...........scott

Friday, April 9, 2010

another about me...

Addiction can come in many forms, affect everyone differently, and effect those we may least suspect. This blog isn't about defining the word addiction, this is about saying: "Hi, my name is scott and i am an alcoholic and addict" Bet some of you never would have thought huh? Well i am about to share part of my life. a very deep dark part of my life. I was never a daily drinker or daily user. I had my binges, and I eventually began to get these weird feelings. The feeling that yes i have a problem. it may not be a daily problem but it is a problem nonetheless.

my dad was a huge alcoholic and I swore to never be like him. well in a way I am as I am an alcoholic but I am also totally different. he wanted me to never do drugs. he said he doesn’t care if I end up drinking but to never do drugs, how bad they were, what he saw them do to people(obviously he did care but in his eyes, as bad an alcoholic as he was, he didn’t see just how bad alcohol is. that's how strong his demon was). for 17 years I witnessed him detox and sober up off and on, but finally all the failed attempts came to an end. in 1992 my dad passed away of a massive heart attack 2 months before I graduated high school. the extent of his alcoholism had damaged his brain so badly that the doctor said that in addition to the heart attack his alcoholism is why he died. the lack of oxygen from being unconscious for so long from the heart attack and the death to the brain cells after so many years of drinking only left a brain stem left.

all thru school I was never a drinker or partier for fear of becoming like him. I remember the first time I got drunk was in the college years, the demon finally bit me. I was so scared the first time drinking and getting drunk, that I actually made a pact that I would never drink again. that lasted a year. the demon was riding my coattails and climbed back on and said "wellllllll you know what? what if we work together... so the drinking continued but I monitored it. we seemed to be a great team at the time. partying on occasion but never letting it affect us so that we had to miss work because of it, or anything like that. things were great. but where was the demon back in 2004 when I could have died on the side of the road? he had been helping me have fun, but when it really mattered where was it?

as some of you reading may know I had a really bad DUI accident, fortunately no one was involved other than myself. I don’t know what I would have done had anyone else been involved and they were injured due to my actions. I was asked a couple times, "after that why do you still drink?" we came up with a clever answer. "I like the taste. I don't drink for the sake of getting drunk, if I could have all of what I enjoy with just the taste It would be perfect" we only became smarter after that. we figured ok we wont drink and drive anymore but still enjoy when we can. we don’t drink everyday therefore we don’t have a problem. we don't miss work because of it, we don't have a problem. looking back now, this was when the demon began to tighten its stranglehold on me more. it really began to make excuses and started justifying things. the occasional binging led to other things.

over the years, thru partying and drinking it opened up a new world. drugs came into the picture. my first times around marijuana I always had my dad in the back of my head saying don’t do drugs, and how much worse they are for you than alcohol, but the demon again stabbed its claws in and strangled harder. "go ahead it smells great" I was told, thinking to myself hmmm its not as bad as cigarette smoke, its actually kinda good in a way. I eventually caved and tried it. nothing the first time so I was like eh, whatever. then I tried it years later, and I got hooked. we loved it! enjoying the new people that were around, things were great, things that were already fun seemed to be so much more so. I met a girl and quit it for 3 1/2 years cuz she didn’t like it. eventually we drifted a part, she said she wasn't sure why but she felt like we were just friends. sure it hurt, but I didn't start drinking more because of it, we would have a very rare occasional drink with each other, I'd still go have my fun while we were together. I felt I didn't have to worry about disrespecting her with smoking, so my demon and I got back into it. I eventually went thru my period of crushing and snorting pills, getting hooked on cocaine, ate mushrooms once, and I even smoked crack once too. marijuana was the toughest drug to quit. the others were easy to quit. but alcohol was always my demon. when I smoked crack I was like what the fuck am I doing? but I was under the influence, not thinking clearly and was like what the hell. why not? fuckit. looking back now, considering myself VERY lucky I didn’t die that night, or even any night I was under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I know I had angels watching out for me those nights.

saint patrick's day this year. man I had so much fun. drinking, hanging out, shots, beers, no drugs those were long done. hell some of my twitter friends probably even saw the pic of me drinking my pitcher of beer from the pitcher. simply put, the bartender forgot my glass. I was already feeling pretty well, so I figured aww hell, ill just drink it out of the pitcher. and sure enough I was at the bar drinking my beer out of the pitcher until it was gone. who does that? someone who is out of control. someone who's demon has such a stranglehold on them that they have no idea how much of a problem they really have.

this isn't an entirely bad story tho. here comes the bright light. as I said I had been realizing for awhiIe, that I needed to "slow down". never thought I had the strength to do this. I had someone come into my life recently who has taught me things. someone who has seen something in me, opened my eyes to certain things. it all made sense to me how certain things have happened. I'm seeing the meaning and importance of certain experiences because of this. this person said something to me, no, it wasn’t "you have a problem, you need help", but what was said planted a seed. that was 21 days ago tonight (I write this on April 8, 2010) when I had my last drink.

I have joined alcoholics anonymous. I've met some new people I can talk to if need be. I've heard stories shared, and there are bits and pieces I can relate to. my first meeting I was so scared. I was a mess, I was in tears. before the meeting I took the bus got there 45 minutes early and sat at the bus stop waiting. I sat there in tears I think it was the demon mostly, realizing holy shit this is the end? doing what it could to try to sway me into something that I'm sure people before me had done. catch the next bus and leave. but no, I'm stronger now. even being the mess that I was, I still had focus to know what I had to do. I am here, I have come so close. don't fail, don't miss the meeting. I sat in the meeting in tears most of the time. when asked if there was anyone new to the meeting, I sheepishly raised my hand. red faced and teary eyed, I said "my name is scott and I am an alcoholic" despite the tears and the initial fear, I knew from that point I was going to be ok, I felt the stranglehold release. the next meeting I got to share for 5 minutes. I was able to speak when the floor opened up, and people actually gave me props for what I shared. In today's meeting the main topic seemed to revolve around depression. I'm not going to go into too much detail of everything said in the meeting but this really opened my eyes to see just how bad It can affect some people. about 4 or 5 people said how bad they had gotten, that they had thoughts of suicide. One day that could have been me had I kept drinking, you never know. scary to see just how bad alcoholism and addiction can affect people.

looking back now I realize I had relapses. I know why these relapses happened. I was trying to quit for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t doing it for me. the demon was all too powerful. you can see how strong it was over me. I'm focused. I know what I want. I do my little things to help keep me focused my cloudy, foggy eyes that were beginning to open, were opened widely thanks to this person. I can say this though, I am enjoying life a lot more now. I see things more clearly, sounds are crisper, ALL of my senses feel more in tune. I go to a weekly meeting, and sometimes more if I feel I am called to. I realize and understand that I will never be completely free of this demon. it will always be riding my coattail. waiting as it always has for the moment to start to sink its claws into me. the temptation, no matter what I do will always be there. that’s why its always one day at a time, we never know what tomorrow will bring. stay focused on today. and to the person I mentioned previously thank you, thank you Deme for planting that seed and saving my life.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


@reelhot2touch (meg) is a friend of mine on twitter who just passed away. unfortunately i have not known her as well or for as long as some of my other friends on twitter have. however she has touched my life. only having had the opportunity to exchange messages with her for a short period of time, she is a very strong person. she is now a much stronger angel.

i know that it is tough at the moment for many of you to stay strong and positive, but to me that is what she embodies. she embodies strength and positivity. no matter what adversity she faced here on earth she always seemed to be a positive person from the chance i had to message with her. if she were here on earth with us she would exude her strength and positivity towards us. sadly her journey here has just ended. however her journey is also just beginning.

she is moving onto something more powerful than she could accomplish here in the flesh. while here she was an angel among us as i can see how much she has touched peoples lives. but one can only do so much in the flesh, and when that work is done here, we are called. we are called to do more powerful work. to touch many more lives that we couldn't touch or reach in the flesh.

we must band together and be strong for one another. we all need strength, compassion and love from one another even more so now than ever. i know its not easy to stay strong when we are faced with a loss, i have faced many losses in life, i know it's not an easy thing to handle, especially the loss of a loved one. yes we may have lost someone we care about as far as a friend or someone we love, but have we really?

she will always be with each of us. it may be tough to see this now, but she will be. there will be a day when each of us sees this. you will see that her presence is always with us. it may be realized sooner for some than others as we all have our own journeys, and some of us will need the extra strength at different points. when that time comes is when the presence, strength and positivity of our angel will be realized.

if anyone reads this that doesn't follow me on twitter please feel free to message me at @porkchop103074 and if anyone needs to write more than what is available to the allotted 140 charachters, please feel free to comment this blog, or send me an email to
also incase anyone is wondering where my avatar support ribbon came from copy and paste this link if you'd like it: Support In Memory of @reelhot2touch, add a #twibbon to your avatar now! -

may your body and soul rest in peace

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

what do i value?

in a world where it seems that there is negativity everywhere you look on the news, i value something that can be very tough to find. think about many positive and inspiring stories in the paper and on the news do you see? the next time you turn on the news remember what i just asked,and you'll see. very rarely do you see something inspiring or positive. you see crime, war, poverty, poor economy, homelessness. why does it seem that we are so drawn to negativity? to me negativity is a cancer. it spreads and spreads and eats away at its surroundings.

perfect example is a coworker of mine. from the time he gets in til the time he leaves 90% of the time he is complaining and being negative. that leads to more negativity in the department. i will fully admit that it is very tough to stay positive at work sometimes because of this. i have backup to get me thru the tough days where i feel the claws of negativity scratching at my back and trying to take hold of me and drag me down.

its partly because of some of the things i have gone thru in life. from my accident on 2004, and almost not being here, and then hitting rock bottom in 2007 and almost not being here(yes i was VERY close to...) i feel like i am the phoenix that has risen from the ashes to become something greater.

its also because i have some wonderful friends. i look back at how many incredible people i have met since these two previous close calls. now i know why i survived these two incidents. my work here is not done. i still have people to meet and i still have lives to make an impact on.

i would like to think that i have been an influence on people. i would also like to think that i have made a difference in my friends lives, especially those who have made a major difference in my life.

so you may ask what i value since i didn't say it outright. it's between the lines. i value positivity, friendship, and making a difference. (wow i'm tearing up at the moment knowing what my closing line is going to be......those of you on twitter know i can be naughty, and also have a very deep side. those of you who i have confided in also know that i am an emotional person as well)

when my time should come and i no longer walk the earth, no matter when in life it may be. today, tomorrow, 50 years from now. know this: i may not be here in the flesh, or a text, tweet, or phone call away. i will still have the 3 things i value the most and i have moved on to bigger work, making more of a difference:


Monday, March 15, 2010

drinking and driving part 2

so im in my car and i leave. they say most accidents happen close to home, well i can truthfully say this one did. it was LITERALLY around the corner from where i lived. i leave the lot and go around the corner and i feel the back end of my car kick out on me. no big deal ordinarily, but because i was so messed up, i couldnt compensate properly so i start zigzagging across the street (fortunately it was a oneway). i zigzagged til i hit the curb blew a tire and probably broke the tierod as well because i couldn't steer off the curb no matter how hard i pulled the wheel. i see the telephone pole coming closer and closer. fighting harder and harder to pull off the curb when OHSHIT!!!!!!!!!!

i wake up to a bright light, wondering if this is the light at the end of the tunnel they always talk about. saying to myself over and over i dont want to die, its not my time yet. praying; please dont let me die on the side of the road. i start to focus more and realize that it is a police officer. SHIT! now im screwed.

he says to me "do you know what happened?" "yeah" i said " i had a fucking accident!" (im now really aggravated: dui, no car insurance, no health insurance) officer says to me "dont even try to tell me you werent drinking tonight because i could smell it as soon as i got out of the car. are you able to get out from the vehicle" "no" i said (from the impact i had stuffed myself into the dashboard, hands stuck under the column, and feet stuck under the glovebox) "well let me go call rescue and theyll get you out" the cop said.

now im really aggravated knowing everything im up against, even more aggravated that im stuck in the damn car, the absolute WORST pain i have ever been in. so i'm me (the old me lol)getting REALLY aggravated and i tense up and somehow i pulled my hands out from under the column. SWEET im thinking, now i can at least get unstuck. grab my feet pull them out, and pull myself out of the car. stand up and SMACK!!!! i fall on the ground. cop turns around and yells out HOLY SHIT! runs over(i did all this before he got back to his car) "YOU?! you got yourself out of that?" he said. all nonchalant i reply "yeah." he asks me why i fell so i told him "idk theres something wrong with my leg, cuz as soon as i stood up it went out on me." he helps me up and asks if ill please sit on the curb til rescue gets here. "sure no problem" i tell him "i just wanted to be unstuck".

i dont remember much after that til halfway thru my ambulance ride to the hospital. don't remember much after that til im waking up at about 4am in the e.r. and then again at 845. still no clue what happened as far as injuries, i was just concerned about making it to work on time lol (yeah i have a strong work ethic haha) reaching for my busted cell phone to call work and let them know i was going to be late. nurse comes running over yelling at me to put it away and asks "WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CANT USE THAT IN HERE?!?!" told her i wanted to let work know i was gonna be a little bit late. she says "honey do you even know what happened to you last night?" i said "yeah i had an accident, but dont know the extent of my injuries." "WELL" she said "you dislocated your hip so youre gonna be more than "just a little late"

eventually my roomie finds out what happened and they come to see me. turns out i had broken my ankle and dislocated and fractured my hip. so yeah that turned into being about 4 months late for work. i had to go for surgery and have a plate put in my hip with 5 screws to help fuse the bone together. i was in the hospital for a month. i had 2 weeks of in hospital rehab, and then a couple of months at home. during my inhome rehab is when the livestrong bracelets first came out.

i was having a tough time with my rehab at home one day and wanted to just say fuckit and let it heal however and just deal with it cuz the pain was so bad. i looked at the bracelet and thought if lance armstrong can overcome what he went thru and be as successful as he is, then my little rehab is nothing. i sucked it up and continued with it. that was initially why i got my livestrong tattoo

since then ive known quite a few people who have battled cancer and lost, battled cancer and won, and are battling cancer. so it also goes out to them.

did i learn a lesson from that night? yes a very valuable one. life is precious. value everyday that you wakeup and make the most of it. live each day as if its your last. dont sweat the small things(still learning to not sweat the small things as once in a great while they get to me but, so far and few between i basically dont sweat the small things, nowhere near the way i used to) in life, as there are things much larger to worry about. that night changed me in a major way. changed me for the better.

i have changed SO much since then its almost like: "the night i was reborn"

drinking and driving

ok so this was going to be posted on the 28th as its the 6 yr anniversary but fuckit. im posting it now lol. i'm not exactly sure why after 6 yrs i have been thinking about this so much lately, i mean its not like a mile stone like 5,10,15 years etc lol. as some people know i was a dumbass and had a bad dui accident, well here are the events of that night, that i still can relive like they happened yesterday.

the trees were in the impound lot.

ok so anyway heres what an innocent night of fun ended up causing. my roomie at the time and our friends wanted to have an incredible night at the club, so a bunch of us got together at my place, and we started to pregame. pizza alcohol and fun ran rampant thru my apartment. i ended up having 7 slippery nipple shots, 1 and a half 20 ounce bottles of premixed long island ice teas and a few green apple smirnoff ices. (haha told you i remembered it like yesterday) go time came and we all left. my roomie had no pockets in her jeans so i was the only one with the keys to get back in, no big we were all going back after the club anyhow.

get to the club and we ran into an ex of my roomies we were cool with. he lived in fall river, ma the club was in providence, ri and we lived in pawtucket, ri. we all split off into our own groups having fun. i'm pretty well lit at this point so im skipping, yes skipping thru the club(fuck id be a goof and do that sober lol). i get thirsty and go to the bar for a drink. ended up knowing the bartender who was hot, i flirted with her as she fed me drinks. i ended up having 5 long island ice teas and 3 greatful deads in about 15 minutes or so, and because i was flirting, the tipping got more with each drink and the drinks became stronger. well with all this alcohol in my system you can imagine i was pretty well drunk at this point, BUT i still managed to keep tabs on someone who ws driving so i would be able to get home.

my roomies ex got separated from us somehow(maybe the skipping scared him away lmao)my fon starts blowing up. its 2 of my friends with my roomie saying theyre going back to the apartment because she doesnt feel good and wants to go to sleep. her ex was supposed to stay over because it was a long ride for them to bring him home and then go back to the apartment.this is where the fun starts to go wrong......

i end up getting home and letting the 3 of them in when my roomie asks where her ex is. i tell her hes still in providence cuz i was told to come home ASAP. its now about 215 220 am and shes throwing a tantrum on the floor literally laying on my kitchen floor kicking and screaming that i have to go get him. at this point i KNOW im in no shape to drive. looking at the time i say ugh waht the fuck ill go get him!!!! her friend tells me im too fucked up to drive and she wants to go with me to know i make it ok....ummm hello should she have not grabbed my keys from me? thats neither here nor there. something inside me is telling me that something is going to go wrong.. a horrible gut feeling. i talk her out of going with me and head downstairs and get in my car. this is where everything goes horribly wrong............................ to be continued